Jealous? Me?

This repost blog from 4 years ago is dedicated to all young mothers but especially my beautiful daughter-in-love who’s raising my cherished grandbabies.

I admit it

I’ve been jealous

But jealousy is a difficult attribute for me to attach to God. “The Israelites angered God . . . They made Him jealous with their idols.” Psalm 78:58

Jealousy sounds out of character for the perfect Divine One.

Jealousy, that destructive emotion that drives a man to punch the drunk who tries to kiss his wife. Or a feeling that Almost Annie feels when Gifted Gale wins the gold medal by 2/100ths of a point?

The Apostle Paul was jealous. “For I am jealous for you with the jealousy of God himself.” 2 Corinthians 11
St James, brother of Jesus, says, “The Spirit who dwells in us yearns jealously.”  James 4

I asked, “Lord help me understand this strange jealousy.” And He showed me.

When I was pregnant with my first child, I had planned on going back to work shortly after he was born. What was there to do at home with a baby anyway? Change diapers. Feed them. Change more diapers.
BUT MY 8lb and 2oz bundle of solid boy stole my heart. Within a month of bonding, I was jealous.

I was very jealous

I would be the one to see his first smile.
No stranger was as worthy as I of viewing even this tiny miracle.

I would be there when he crawled
when he took his first step

I heard his brilliant first word.
“Doggie”

I was there pushing him
when he first experienced
the swings on the playground.

Who carried him for 9.5 months? Who sang to him while he was in the womb? Who endured the pain of his birth, and stayed by his side in sickness? I did!

No one else deserved the privilege of witnessing his first feats.

When he turned to his friends to learn about male/female relationships, he provoked my jealousy. What could one eight year old teach another eight year old about sex? Nothing but foolishness! I had the answers he needed. “Come to me, child. I will not misguide you.”

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No one else deserved the privilege of teaching him right from wrong.

No one else had the right to instill values.

He learned to worship while sitting on my lap.

He listened to the stories I chose with his heart in mind.

His character was my responsibility.

Our time together was short,

…and I did not waste a single minute.

5 years old. I activated the school-crossing signal for a 4-lane road. The cars stopped, and we walked our bikes across the first lane, then the second lane. Halfway across, I noticed the 4th lane was open and the approaching car was not slowing. My beloved son, unaware of the danger and out of my reach, continued on across the 3rd lane. He had started across with complete trust in me not to misguide him. He now headed toward unseen disaster.

Jealous for his life, I cried, “Brandon, stop!”
He knew my voice and stopped instantly.
A foot in front of him, the car sped through the red light.
First-time obedience saves lives—a value I’d instilled in him for that very purpose.

Yes, I was jealous for my children
A shameless jealousy
They are of my blood
Of my body
Of my heart
They resemble me
This is not possessive or excessive
This is heaven’s passion
And it is radical!

I get it now. . . 

God, my Father, is jealous for me

He alone knitted me together in my mother’s womb, made me in His image.

He alone heard my first word and empowered me to crawl. To walk. To run.

He cries with me and laughs with me.

Like a hen gathers her chicks.
He gathers me under His wing.
He sings over me.
He wants my full surrender.

He wants my first-time obedience—
He justly deserves the honor of “raising” me as His own.

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He wants me to learn His voice and practice yielding to His nudges to avoid disaster, to discover special blessings, to convey His love to others.

When I turn to earthly things to ease my pain…
When I turn to mortal man for wisdom…
When I rely on my worldly wealth to sustain me…
I provoke His jealousy.

“You must worship no other gods, for the Lord, whose very name is Jealous, is a God who is jealous about his relationship with you.”  Exodus 34:14

He is
A jealous God!
And He’s radically in love
with you and me.

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The Way of the Embattled Spirit