Redeeming Ashes
How did I get sucked into doing a memorial service for someone who was not liked? Because my big sister told me, “You’re the spiritual one. You’re doing the ceremony.”
My sisters weren’t heartless toward Mom, just disconnected and distant. Our mother had pushed us all away. Personally speaking, Mom never forged any emotional connection with me, and she had ways of letting me know my feelings didn’t matter. My thoughts on life were rarely legitimate in her eyes. Nor did she care for small children, and thus failed to nurture. My oldest sister later experienced the worst of the neglect to the point of being ostracized.
So how could I manage to do her memorial? God, help me!
After I left home and met Jesus, God healed me of mother wounds in time to do her service, with heart. My sisters didn’t want a celebration, just the necessary duty of honoring the deceased. The oldest probably would’ve been fine with skipping it altogether; she had been my primary caretaker until our mother ran away with me, breaking my sister’s heart. I hadn’t seen this sister in 40 years. Although I had no clue what I was going to do or say, I recognized this ceremony as a major God-opportunity. I had six months to pray and figure it out.
I’m writing this to brag on God, who was not in the least surprised about any part of our lives. Not the torn relationships. Not the ostracizing of family members. Not the neglect or betrayal. He saw it all. Jesus paid for all the sin and shame so that redemption could prevail, if we let it. Or rather, if I let it. I knew if I followed the Holy Spirit’s leading, He would turn a potentially bitter event into a time for planting seeds of salvation and healing.
Two days before the ceremony, we met up in a little cabin in Colorado, and I said to my sisters, “Tell me your happy memories.”
Silence.
Neither sister had a good thing to say about the woman who raised them. (They’re 13 and 15 years older than me). All I had was, “She taught me how to play games.” Seriously, I had to learn to cook, do laundry, shop—all domestic skills—after I moved out.
What to do? My heart was to glorify God, but this was a tough, verging on ugly. Out of the 14 family members joining us, the majority were not yet saved. Some of them knew nothing of the neglect because they never lived with her. Yes, Mom acted quite congenially when she wanted to.
That night, the Lord finally gave me two perfect words: Focus and Freedom. Mom spent hours each day focusing on weather warnings and the police blotter, which was her morning read. For real. With that kind of mental diet, it’s not a surprise she lived the latter part of her life suffering severe paranoia.
Freedom? To live in paranoia with a focus on the negative means the perfect love of God was not allowed to expel her fear. She did not know freedom. I hope she knew Christ.
So I approached her service from the viewpoint of what my mother would now know after confronting her Maker post-mortem. All the lies she believed would have been exposed the moment she stood before Him in death. Thus, I imagined truths she would convey on how to really live if she were allowed to speak from her ashes.
Surrounded by the Rocky Mountains, we gathered in a circle in the National Park to scatter her ashes. God redeemed focus and freedom for my sisters and hopefully for the rest of the family.
“If Mom were here, she would tell you that where you focus your mind is important, and you get to choose. What you focus your mind on, you magnify. So instead of pondering all the doom and gloom happening in the world, think about what is pure, noble, true, admirable….”
No need to mention any Bible references. Just share the truth in love and let Holy Spirit do His thing.
“The second thing Mom, Grandma, and Great-grandma would tell you right now is that Jesus Christ is Lord. When you have faith in Him and grasp His great love for you, you will find the freedom to focus on the positive, and the negative will not drag you down….” With that we all scattered her ashes.
Short, sweet, and meaningful, and not one iota of negativity spilled out.
Incidentally, my brother said at the end, “Joel Olsteen couldn’t have done better.”
I laughed, and laughed…
Where is your focus? What might others say about your life that reveals what your thoughts are magnifying?
Do you know freedom? Can others see that perfect Love has expelled your fear?
Father in Heaven, shine Your light on my heart and expose my thoughts. I invite Your perfect love to cast out any fear. Thank You for knowing my past and redeeming my life. In Jesus’s name.
